I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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