i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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