There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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