Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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