really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
