I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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