she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
