You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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