if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
