Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
