I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I AM VODKA MAN
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
