i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
