your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
