it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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