tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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