Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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