I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
