So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
