Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
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My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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