Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
