i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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