There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
