Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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