goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
