I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
