if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
