from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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