Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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