whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I met the friendliest cop last night
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?