i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
