I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Send help, water and tortillas.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
