8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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