If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
do herpes really smell.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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