I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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