So drunk its hurt
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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