Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
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She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
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New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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