How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
