you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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