I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize