The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
