So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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