Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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