But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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