Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
