I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
