my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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