I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
