dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
