if you like me you must not know who I am
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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