woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
