if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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