Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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