im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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