idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
