it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I love having hate sex.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Randomize
