can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
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It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
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I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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