You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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