I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
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You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
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Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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