Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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